dreams

Anthony and I were watching some show on tv the other day, and someone mentioned something about girls giving up their dreams once they got married because they became more focused on home life than their own personal lives. So Anthony asked me what dreams I had when I was younger. My automatic responses were a ballerina and a writer. I gave up on that dream many years ago, but I can and SHOULD still take classes just for the sheer joy of it. But I can absolutely be a writer. I love writing. But what would I write about? All of my creative attempts seem to somehow become autobiographical, and that is not what I want. I'm not sure what I want, but I want to find a way to develop this dream into a reality.

I have been thinking about this for days now. I realized that somehow I forgot some of my dreams. Close to the top of my list has always been to live in France. Paris is preferred, but I could do the French countryside, too. I feel like this is still attainable, I'm just not sure how... YET. As far as other dreams, I'm not sure I could classify these as such, but they are definitely passions that have not been heavily pursued lately: Music -- more specifically, viola and piano; Art; Health and Nutrition. I know for a fact that some of this I can and should do on my own (Art History and Nutrition). Music, on the other hand, needs to be more active and communal. I know there is a community orchestra in this town, and I think I need to join. Just thinking about it makes my heart race. I can close my eyes and imagine playing with an orchestra, and feeling that shared passion for the music. I really need to get back to that. And I would love, love, love to learn to play the piano. If only I had a piano, and the money for a great teacher. Someday it WILL happen.

I know that family is my number one priority, but I also realize that I cannot just walk away from myself, my dreams. Since I turned 30 this year, I feel like I owe myself some time to grow as an individual. This is sort of like a reinvention of the self. And I have the rest of my life to make it happen!